How To Stay Humble When You're Smarter Than Everybody Else
Posted: Tuesday, November 13, 2007
by Ben Goode
Apricot Press
One critical key to surviving in the world as a person of superior intelligence is to keep from being killed or maimed by some small-minded plebe who fears you because he doesn't comprehend anything you say, or who disagrees with you because he is a flaming idiot. And one of the best tricks to diffusing tension is to disarm the little people with a smarmy compliment. Sadly, unless you are a politician or lawyer, lying may not come natural to you. So as I see it, the key here is to come up with a compliment that will always be true no matter what.
1. Your eyes have a striking openness that, when they're open makes them very visible, if you're looking at them.
2. I have truly enjoyed every minute of time I spent with you which was truly enjoyable.
3. Oooh! You smell so natural!
4. I'm sure that I enjoyed immensely all the things we did together during the moments that have been forgotten.
5. I definitely feel completely alive when I'm near you...and I'm sure I will continue to feel that way until the moment I die or loose consciousness.
6. This is definitely the best (sweet ‘n' sour liver casserole, baked armadillo quiche, eggplant smoothie, etc...) you've ever made for me.
I believe the adage that "if you can't say anything nice, you're about to get yourself into trouble." Compliments like these are sort of nice and can save your bacon when you desperately need an honest compliment. If you use these and have successes, I would like to hear from you. On the other hand, if you use these and get beat up, please keep it to yourself.
Ben Goode has written numerous books on a wide variety of topics. In his crass attempt to get rich from the ill-advised purchases by consumers worldwide, he is now putting stuff like this out on the worldwide web. The corporate motto of his company, Apricot Press, "When you care enough to give the best, but maybe they don't deserve it." speaks volumes about his commitment to humanity. And his corporate philosophy: "If you don't like our product don't worry. You can always give it to somebody you don't like," probably has some practical applications for your business if you think about it. For more of Ben Goode's humor visit: http://www.apricotpress.com
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)horrible attempt at humor.
I think this brand of humor is thinly veiled hostility and self-centeredness! It is regretable to say the least. Makes one wonder who has the SMALL mind. . .
Being smarter than the majority of people in day to day affairs is a constant uphill struggle, and also completely depressing if a positive attitude isn't applied. Especially when you have to share breathing space with people who live in a bubble of superstitious god fearing, war mongering (not just the yanks) lying contradicting SELFISH imbeciles. Most other people don't take kindly to anyone who thinks outside the box.. even if you've already dumbed yourself down, it's still not enough. Any good creation is initially met with distain because it's outside the box, people seemingly on first impressions prefering to keep ontop of the stupid pile instead. And this in a society that prides itself on social intelligence. Total bollocks.. too many people are governed by their emotions making the world an extremely unwelcoming battlefield that is not even worth the struggle, unless you have the love of a partner, or have a passion strong enough to work on survivng you. The above comments left by anonymous and anonymous are an example of social institutionalized individuals that clearly revoke anything other than the plain and ordinary. You make the world a $%&*@$%&tier place to live (truly), and all because of the way your brain has been molded, without your objection. I can only hope you don't reproduce and raise another you based on your own set of miseducation and [re]forming, but I you will. I fell a little better after that I suppose. Thanx, David x
I found this piece hilarious!!
For the comment .. "I think this brand of humor is thinly veiled hostility and self-centeredness! It is regretable to say the least. Makes one wonder who has the SMALL mind. . ."
I do believe Ben Goode's work is satiric and shouldn't be taken at face-value. Its meant to poke fun [in a good natured way] at human's inherent nature to sometimes, if not often, be prideful and act better/smarter/prettier than others. Everyone can use with a little humbling down, and a great laugh at ourselves which i think this book defiantly provides. i am planing on buying it as a Christmas gift for my dad, i think he'll great a great kick out of it.
I hate to say this... but sarcastic comment number 5, loose does not equal to lose, as in the act of having something taken from you, or to go missing... Perhaps this is a mark of being a pretentious prick, but you can't write an article about being smarter than other people with spelling errors...However, having said that I too have been the victim of spelling errors. I would like to note that the key to dealing with people who seem to be of lower intelligence than you is understanding that they just don't get certain things as easy as you do.I have no problem skimming through philosophy, or beating someone down with rhetoric, however I lose my keys constantly and my poor girlfriend has to find them for me. I am thankful she finds this cheeky and endearing, instead of annoying and inadequate.Why is it that the only defense people have against those who are of superior intelligent is picking out their spelling errors?
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